I'm The "Pineapple" on Your Slice of Cold Pizza

The Id and I - The only Pedigree we have is "choice cuts in gravy."

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If you are a fan of sports, Cleveland sports, or pop culture in general (and you're an unemployed Liberal Arts college graduate working second-shift at Chuck E. Cheese), then you've probably had a chance to see ESPN2's morning show, "Cold Pizza: The Morning Show with Everything."

The usual standard format of the show is:

1. A 45-minute-segment on Phil Jackson/The Lakers.
2. A 30-minute-segment on Terrell Owens (who will be living in a refrigerator box soon if his contract with the Eagles is not restructured, if you haven't heard).
3. A 40-minute-segment on The NY Yankees.
4. (If they decide to "mix things up") - A 15-minute segement on George Steinbrenner.
5. (If they decide to "throw the smaller markets a bone") - a 5 minute segment on the Boston Red Sox or The Chicago Cubs.
6. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Anywho, on this morning's show, it took host - and local boy made good - Jay Crawford to finally get some mention for our red-hot Cleveland Indians on the show (because as everybody knows, nothing ever happens between Los Angeles and New York City). This "story" was put on the last 15 minutes of the show, however, just in case Phil Jackson was out buying new underwear at Target and the show's producers needed to bump it for Shaq's reaction to the guru's perference for"boxers or briefs?".

But kudos to Jay Crawford for recognizing - and celebrating - his roots as an Ohio guy and at least putting up a fight towards the "talking heads" from "The Sporting News" and some other "blah, blah" magazine I never read - who all but proclaimed our beloved Tribe DEAD in the water. It's pretty obvious that mathematically it would take a giant asteroid wiping out the entire Chicago White Sox team for the Indians to win the AL Central. But we are setting ourselves up for - at the very least - an exciting run at a playoff spot if The Tribe plays like they are now for the rest of the season.

The fine folks at "Cold Pizza" will never acknowledge this because, unfortunately, most journalists "like to play their little baby games" as Vince Vaughn suggested to Mikey in "Swingers."

In other news, the word of the street is that Danny Ferry is now being considered for the new general manager of The Cleveland Cavaliers. A lot of fans are miffed at Ferry because of the Ron Harper trade, but that's the least of my concerns. Ferry is now in charge of baskteball operations with The San Antonio Spurs, which is all well and good, but how many "novices" are the Cavaliers going to hire during their current rebuilding process?

Well, maybe Larry "Sprinkles" Brown can clear all this up if and when The Messiah ever comes down from the mountain...

NEXT ISSUE: The Id and I goes to the Zig Ziglar "motivational seminar" to enlighten Ziggy with Successories Tip # 236: "Please don't piss in my face and tell me it's raining."