Torching Frankensteinbrenner's Yankees with My Beautiful "Abby Normal" Mind

The Id and I - We eat danger for breakfast!

Are you believing yet, Tribe fans? Do you want to believe...? The Truth is Out There: The Cleveland Indians are in first place in the best wild card baseball race in years - ARE YOU EXCITED? You should be! This is going to be the most exciting September in years for baseball - and Indians' fans - and we owe it all to the creation of the wildcard spot by Major League Baseball.

Don't tell me a "wild card spot" doesn't mean anything either! Getting into the playoffs is just the foot in the door to wedge it wide open for a successful playoff post-season run - and to quote G.I. Joe: "Knowing is half the battle..."

Do you think ANYONE in the American League would want to face YOUR Cleveland Indians in a playoff series right now-? Guess again, Chester! We are currently the scariest damn team in baseball...

Look at this starting lineup: Lead off lightning bolt in a Chief Wahoo cap, Grady Sizemore! Cuckoo for Coco Crisp cracking the bat with his patented scowl on a consistent basis! Jhonny Peralta just gets this team JHAZZED!!! Travis Hafner brings power to the plate - He's The Incredible Hulk without the GNC juice! And Victor Martinez - he is just amazing on both sides of the plate!

And that's just our offensive lineup, gang! What about our fantastic pitching-? C.C. Sabathia and Cliff Lee are a potent one-two punch that even Ron Howard and Russell Crowe couldn't quite deliever to us on a silver platter... and let's not forget about the big guy cleaning up on the mound, Bob Wickman. The big man has done everything asked of him and more!

So let's go, Tribe fans - I mean, the REAL TRIBE FANS. Even if Oakland knocks us out of the playoff picture, you've got to admit this is one damn exciting Cleveland Indians' team - and if you don't think so, then you don't know shi... uh, Sizemore!

"New York City-?!? I don't want anything to do with that urban death maze!" - Homer Simpson

Get to know these, kids, Cleveland - because they're your team! And they are only going to get better with time - and I'm going to enjoy the ride. So grab your torches and head down to the Jake to show Mist'ah Steinbrenner that his $200 million monstrosity is about to get torched by the Cleveland villagers!

It's a great weekend to dot the "i" in Ohio sports! The Browns and Bengals, Ohio State and Texas - and ESPN will broadcast the Indians-Twins game on a special Sunday night game of the week with a special September 11th tribute. So get out there and enjoy!