Friday, February 17, 2006

The 2006 Cleveland Browns: A Milk-Bone Menagerie or just another Spat on a Hot Tin Woof?

The id and I - Why do I suddenly feel like "Rufus The Egghead" of this Dawg and Pony show?

Marvin Lewis has earned a contract extension with The Cincinnati Bengals (even after a semi-cheap shot by a Pittsburgh Steelers' player left their quarterback, Carson Palmer, a crumpled playoff cripple). The Baltimore Ravens are floundering like a Lake Erie three-eyed fish out of water thanks to Brian Billick's inability to find a suitable quarterback to helm the reins of his newly revamped offense - and aggressively aging defense. John Collins has gone the way of The Dodo here in Cleveland, thankfully, leaving the door wide open - and unobstructed - for Phil Savage and Romeo Crennel to actually do their jobs.

Thank you, Cleveland: It's about time we let some talented outsiders work their magic here instead of fearing them like "the great plague" that a lot of the "pagans in power" in town would like you to to believe them to be.

Dan Gilbert of The Cleveland Cavaliers has come to town and brought high-paying jobs - as well as a hell of an exciting team - with him. Despite the fact that he inherited LeBron James, he is not greedily resting on his laurels. Dan Gilbert is committed to forking out the bucks to bring a basketball championship to Cleveland - and we here at The id and I thank him for that.

And even though their Orwellian farm system is in place, I'm sorry to say that The Cleveland Indians are not in the same happy space. Mark Shapiro is doing the best he can do with the financial "constraints" placed upon him, but he is still being chained to the Larry Dolan drain pipe when it comes to fiscal freedom and forced to make those "hard choices" that would make the victims of the movie "Saw" gangrene with envy.

Prisoner: "Why you-! If I weren't in these shackles...!"

George Costanza: "But you are, Blanche - You ARE in the shackles!"

But that's neither here nor there at the moment. We are tackling The Cleveland Browns like a drunken townie tackles Trent Dilfer at a local watering hole today. And I truly believe the Cleveland Browns are close to being a playoff team - even if the NFL and Monday Night Football believe the Browns are the "Not-Ready-For-Primetime Players."

They have a lot of important pieces on the football chess board. I'm willing to give quarterback, Charlie Frye, the benefit of the doubt (despite the questions about his arm strength). Hell, people questioned Joe Montana and his "arm strength" all the time - but it's the little things that matter when it comes to the position of quarterback.

A lot of "critics" have second-guessed Jim Tressel, but his Ohio State Buckeyes have won a National Championship - and last year's team was arguably the best team in college football, despite the final outcome. I would love The Cleveland Browns to draft A.J. Hawk or Santonio Holmes - but Hawk will be drafted before the Browns can pick and it would be foolish for the Browns to draft another wide receiver yet again (although Santonio Holmes is going to be a great NFL player).

Whatever the misguided case, here are some early sample picks I would like The Cleveland Browns to consider when they are drafting in the first round this April:

  1. Chad Greenway, LB Iowa
  2. Jimmy Williams, CB Virginia Tech
  3. DeAngelo Williams, RB Memphis
  4. Nick Mangold, C Ohio State
This is an exciting time for Cleveland sports! All I can suggest is you let go of all those ghosts from the past and enjoy the ride, sports fans! Although, I have to admit, the pompous notion of "The Cleveland Indians Television Network" has selfish greed - and disaster - written all over it.

And, finally, I'll leave you with a scene from "Lost" where they ponder whether or not to push the "Doomsday" button:

John Locke: "Jack, why is it so hard for you to have faith-?"

Jack: "John, why is it so easy for you to believe-???!"

"Thumbing your way to Vegas, dirty, and dreaming like you're outta control. Save your tears and laughter, because this is the ride - and this is the show."


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