The Browns vs. The Steelers: "Hey, Romeo Crennel, don't go all 'Care Bear' on us now, Big Daddy!"
Well, it's about 24 hours until The Cleveland Browns face their age-old nemesis, those Steel City Beer swillin' hillbillies from the shores of Amish country ...those butter-churning buffoons ...The Pittsburgh Steelers!
Hey, it's not like I enjoy making fun of The Steelers, their organization, toothless hillbillies, or the people of Pittsburgh ...I'm just a fan of colorful writing.
Meanwhile, back in Gotham City, The Cleveland Browns are coming off a kick-ass win over the still-stunned Kansas City Chiefs at the hands of (former) backup quarterback, Derek Anderson.
I truly believe that the starting quarterback for The Cleveland Browns, Charlie Frye, plays with a lot of passion but, with all due respect to Ma and Pa Frye back in Smallville, I wouldn't mind seeing this Derek Anderson kid get the start against Pittsburgh.
Hey, The Browns have got nothing to lose at this point (well, um, except the game ...but other than that) so they might as well see what this Derek Anderson can do. We already know what Charlie Frye can do (and, as Yoda would say, "do not") - it's time for some new blood (again) here in Browns town.
It's time to see what head coach Romeo Crennel can do, as well. Coach Crennel bounced back after a disasterous week when wide receiver Braylon Edwards went all "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" on the sidelines two Sundays ago. But it's time to see if the Browns can win two tough games in row ...it's time to see if The Cleveland Browns can get on a roll.
I have grown tired of Coach Crennel's cute and cuddly "Care Bear" routine where he shrugs after every loss and proclaims politely: "Aw shucks, I suppose we probably could have done better..."
I realize that Romeo Crennel is more of a "cerebral" coach, but this is football ...I wasn't looking for Randy Lerner to hire Professor Charles Xavier to train the X-Men and his merry band of misunderstood mutants here.
I also understand that Coach Crennel is a direct disciple of Bill ("Hobo Joe") Belichick, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope Romeo inherited something from Belichick ...other than his "fashion sense."
So what have we learned here today, kids-? Well, hopefully, Braylon Edwards has learned to tell the bartender at the Spy club his troubles rather than - you know - IMPLODING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
But if Coach Crennel wants to solve logarithms on the sidelines, while carefully clutching his favorite "Cabbage Patch Kid" and embracing his "inner child," that's all fine and dandy with me ...just make sure you BEAT PITTSBURGH!
This is Cleveland, after all, and as we all know: "You gotta be tough!"
And if Romeo Crennel doesn't believe ME, then maybe he should get out the New England phone book, call up his "old friend in a Hefty bag" ...and find out for himself.
Just don't mention my name ...GO BROWNS!!!