Monday, July 03, 2006

"Grady's Grouches" (tm) say "congratulations" to MLB All-Star Grady Sizemore of The Cleveland Indians! (And Vote Pronk!)

The id and I - "Over a billion Larry Dolan 'cheap jokes' McServed!"

Sooooo ...I've been away for awhile are The Cleveland Indians doing these days-???

Or should I say:

a.) The Cleveland Sizemores-?
b.) The Cleveland Pronks-? or
c.) The Cleveland Cliff Lees-?

I say that because these are the only three players I would pay to see play baseball right now. Why ANYONE would want to give their hard-earned money to this organization is beyond me!

Hell, at times, I get paid to see this team play down at Jacob's Field (soon to be A-B-C Check Cashing Ballpark, I'm sure!) and even I am tempted to just take my money from The Springfield Shopper and go to Alice Cooper'stown instead.

The 2006 Cleveland Indians (as I see them): "You come on like a flame and then you turn a cold shoulder ...FIRE AND ICE."

Do the players want to give up on manager, Eric Wedge-? I don't know. But I do know this: Larry Dolan will never EAT Wedge's salary. So my advice to the players and to Eric Wedge is this: Forget sensitivity training and just "Hug it out, bitches!!!"

I hate to say "I told you so" but... YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR (Unless you are a season ticket-holder ...and then you don't).

So I'm just curious: If The Detroit Tigers win The World Series this season, what excuse is this sad-sack organization going to use then for being a poor "middle-market team."

Because I don't think the Tigers are going to be "a fluke" - IN FACT, I said in earlier posts (in this very blog) that I thought Detroit would be this good ...last year. And, um, the last time I checked, Detroit (as a city as well as a media market) was financially on the same level as Cleveland.

So what's the problem, Larry Dolan-? Cat(s) got your tongue-? Or more importantly, your change purse-?

And while I'm at it, why is everybody "bashing" our very own "Baby Bono" ...Ben Broussard-? Sure, he made a couple of bonehead plays this year on defense - but who hasn't this season on The Tribe's roster-? "Anybody-? Anybody-? Bueller-? Bueller-?"

And Broussard (if you haven't noticed) has been having a pretty damn good year on offense - on an otherwise, uninspired, lackluster team. So let's make him our scapegoat, huh-? Wake up, puddin' heads, because Ben Broussard is the LEAST of your problems on this 2006 Tribe team!

(McEditor's note: I feel the need to defend Ben Broussard whenever his autographed baseball starts to glow brightly up on my mantle and Marlon Brando's voice mysteriously appears out of nowhere stating: "My son - with great power, comes great responsibility. You cannot escape your destiny, Kal-el...")

So, the fans, just like a young Anakin Skywalker, are beginning to ...turn. But why are they still turning out to support this feeble organization-? I'm sure the Marketing Department of the Indians would like to blame any-and-all low fan turnout "on the weather."

But the only Cleveland Indians' game-day forecast you need to know is this one: "Overcast ...with a 90% chance of sucking."

If you're there to support your Cleveland Indians (as players), well, bless you - and I can't say that I blame you for that. Just be sure to vote for Travis Hafner at to make The All-Star Game.

But, for me, it's too hard not to want to throw Larry Dolan's baseball baby out with the bathwater...

In the meantime (or at least until the beginning of The Cleveland Browns' season), cue the Remy Zero: "Somebody saaaaaaaaaave me!"

Happy 4th of July to the REAL "Supermen" (and women) who are serving in the armed forces!


At 8:33 PM, Blogger The Hobbit said...

If Hugo Chavez (the president of Venuzuela) had anything to say about it, the Indians would be seized from their pathetic ownership and future management would be held accountable to the fans (voters).

At 2:59 PM, Blogger Chris McVetta said...

Is this THE Hobbit-??? I do believe it is!

Thanks for the comment (and I couldn't agree more).

Welcome back to the show, John...

At 6:14 PM, Blogger The Hobbit said...

For example, they might be driven, by fear of fan-wrath, to provide snacks and refreshments more responsively and without the anal-rape pricing. Maybe some harmless recreational drugs to compliment the supply of alcohol...

ps: see email.

At 6:45 AM, Blogger Chris McVetta said...

First, they gut "The Rascal House." Then, "19 Crackhead News" tries to bring down "McCarthy's Ale House." What's next-? Is North Korea going to fire a missile at "Around The Corner-???"

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