Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Paula Cole asks: "Where Have All The Tribe Fans Gone...?" (Hint: Maybe Big Dawg Ate 'Em!)

The Id and I - "Time to take out the trash!" (No, literally, the garbage in my house is really starting to pile up in here... Geez.)

Nostradamus R' Us

Oh, stop the presses, True Believers - the national media has said that your Cleveland Indians are (gasp!) ..."the best team in baseball." Well, what a stunning revelation! I applaud them for "going out on this limb" before Bud Selig actually handed Eric Wedge the World Series trophy - what courage, vision and prophetic insight!

Not to go all Medium on you or anything, but we here at The Id and I have only been telling you that the Chicago White Sox would completely COLLAPSE in the second-half of the season ...AND that the Cleveland Indians would win the AL Central division! It hasn't happened yet - but I'll stand by what I predicted months and months ago - and live with it. Not flip-flop and change my opinions on national television on a, um, daily basis so as to "appear" to viewers that I actually might have a clue as to what I was talking about...

I believe we also predicted the Bengals winning the AFC North, the Baltimore Ravens going 6-10 and the Cleveland Brownies finishing a respectable 7-9 (for them). Sooooo, how are those Super Bowl-bound Baltimore Ravens doing, by the way...?

Ah, true genius's never truly appreciated in it's time, is it-? But enough crowing for now - Believe me, I'll say enough stupid things in the weeks and months to come to counteract all of these prognostications...

"Larry Dolan will do the laundry - if you pay all the bills. Where is my happy ending - Where is my prairie song - Where have all the Tribe fans gone...???"

Another big story brewing on the horizon is all the empty seats down at The Jake - but the feeling in town is that unless Jacob's Field starts cashing unemployment checks at the gate, those seats are sadly going to remain empty in Cleveland. As one Willoughby fireman told me after a Sept. 11th memorial parade last weekend, "Chris, if I've got to choose between sending my kids to a good school, or my Indians' season tickets, I'm going to choose my kids' future every time - it's just a matter of priorities."

Although I believe that Jacob's Field is one of the most scenic and serene architectural landmarks in Cleveland - it is also (sadly) one of the most expensive to attend (when you factor in parking, eats and drinks). No more "cheap seats" down at the empty Municipal Monolith Stadium of yesteryear, kids - nickel beer nights went the way of the Dodo.

It's obvious that this is - and always has been - a "Browns town." However, for my money, nothing is more enjoyable than a warm summer night down at the Jake. Nothing against the Browns, I love 'em - but going to Cleveland Browns stadium is like taking a trip to freaking "Thunderdome." I'd much rather watch all the action of a football game unfold in the comfort of my own home (or a neighborhood sports bar ...uh, tomato/tomatoe) - complete with fantasy football tickers and highlights flashing at well-timed intervals.

Regardless, when the Indians are fighting for the division title against the Chicago White Sox in the final series of the year, I'll sell all my TIVO stock to get tickets to see the Indians win it all - LIVE AND IN PERSON! I can't wait! Yippee yie, yippee yeah!

And, um, did I happen to mention that I think Grady Sizemore is going to be a major league superstar for the Cleveland Indians yet...???

NEXT ISSUE: In "Action Id Comics #64" - Why we think Mayor McCheese would clobber Jane Campbell in a steel cage match ...and a Cleveland mayoral election (No, seriously).


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