Who's Your Paddy-?

The id and I - Kegs, green eggs ...and a ham.

In case you've been living under a shamrock or something, then you probably know we are rapidly approaching my favorite holiday of the year - St. Patrick's Day!!!

Some people might say that St. Paddy's Day is just a "Martin Luther King Day ...for drunks." But I beg to differ - St. Patrick's Day is just not some Hallmark-subsidized psuedo-holiday for amateur alcoholics. St. Paddy's Day is a fine tradition that brings out the social interaction and community fabric in a way no other holiday dares to do so (In other words, it's okay to get a little inebriated and hug strangers - even if you end up looking like Paula Abdul from American Idol after "a long day at the office" - if you catch my drift).

This is my favorite time of year in Cleveland, outside of opening day at Jacob's Field (soon to renamed "A-B-C Check Cashing Field," I'm sure). It's one of the few times here in town that brings Clevelanders together - east, west, north and south - and makes us feel good about ourselves for a day, as a community.

And you can talk all you want about how Cleveland "tries too hard" to be like other towns - but I don't want to hear it, Chester! Chicago has to dump food coloring into their river every St. Paddy's Day to turn it green - but we here in Cleveland already have a Cuyahoga river that is naturally green every single day of the year. Take that, Chicago!

And, sure, the parade route is moving this year (unlike every other year) from Eucild to Superior Avenue - but I don't care if I have to go all "Jack Bauer" on everybody's asses, the parade party route on Euclid Avenue - and, more importantly, 24 hours of March Madness - will go on! (I will not - REPEAT - will not abandon my favorite St. Paddy's Day hangouts in their dire hour of need!).

No Rascal House-? No Flannery's-? No Panini's at E. 9th street outside the Jake-? No Otto Moser's-??? I won't have it people! Erin go ...blah.

The St. Patrick's Day parade in Cleveland without Otto Moser's is like sex without the orgasm...

And with all apologies to that ass-kissing "Inside The Actor's Studio" guy, I hope I don't have to go "all Kiefer Sutherland" - and talk really loud and really fast - with the Cleveland clock ticking in the background:

"MY NAME IS CHRIS MCVETTA. I'M A FEDERAL AGENT OF FUN. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY BUT I'M WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY TO GET THIS PARADE ROUTE BACK ON TRACK. NOW PUT THE GREEN BEER DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE AU BON PAIN!!!"

So, will some in the local media keep try to put "a positive spin" on this new Superior Avenue St. Paddy's Day parade because it's "good for Cleveland"-? Perhaps. But, as always, don't expect me to go along for the ride...

To quote Jack Bauer: "Let me make something perfectly clear: I DON'T WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE!!!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!