Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Weekly World News Reports: "Giant Squid Squashes Indians Playoff Hopes as Sasquatch in a 'Mrs. Sizemore' T-Shirt Abducts Cliff Lee's 19th Win!!!"

The Id and I - "I went to Cleveland State University and all I got was this stupid blog spot!"

So, the Cleveland Indians are seemlingly blowing their chances of a well-deserved - and well-earned - spot in the playoff race by losing to the limp and seemingly toothless Tampa Bay Devil Rays in a (another) sorry excuse of a loss tonight at The Jake.

The first loss to the Devil Rays was a wash - and excusable. But when you have your best pitcher, Cliff Lee, on the mound - who only gives up one - count 'em ONE - run and you cannot muster enough bat strength to beat them - I'm sorry, there's just no excuses for an exercise in futility this feeble...

But you know, I supported this team for the entire season. They are an engaging and exciting team and will be a powerhouse for years to come if the current line-up stays intact. So I'm not going to stomp my feet like some spoiled sports brat (tonight) in order to make things right - ain't gonna happen.

A female friend I met up with to watch the game tonight informed me of the latest Tribe "marketing strategy" in which they were selling pink "Mrs. Sizemore" T-shirts to lady Indians' fans and horny Desperate Housewives' wannabes in order to - I suppose - drum up interest in a team which (up until the last few games) has not been selling out seats down at Jacob's Field.

Interesting marketing strategy... Here's another one: WIN A FREAKING WORLD SERIES!

I suppose desperation sets in when you put an exciting contender on the field - and, yet, no one shows up until the very end. But I'm not sure that you want to "whore out your players" in an anemic attempt to sell tickets and bolster interest is, um, the best approach.

What's next-? A "Pronk" pin-up calendar??? Casey Blake edible underwear sold exclusively at Ambiance (the store for lovers)...? But, hey, what do I know, huh-? After all, I'm a whore, you're a whore ...we're all whores in a certain sense, I suppose, when it comes to marketing our own self-interests (Okay, that's a tad harsh, maybe I'm just a whore - I AM trading laughs for love, after all, ladies and gentlemen...).

But that's neither here nor there. I'll continue to support this team and wish them the best - they've given me hours and days of unmeasurable enjoyment, so I'll just quit my fussin'. A sports title will not make this town whole again - but, if nothing else, it has brought this community together in a rather unholy alliance to cheer on our Tribe - and as Martha Stewart might say ..."that's a good thing." (Well, before her lame "Apprentice" spin-off show gets cancelled anyway ...get over it, Martha ...bake a cake with a file in it to take your mind off it or something!).

I meant what I said: Grady Sizemore, Travis Hafner, Victor Martinez and Jhonny Peralta are going to be baseball stars very soon (as well as the rest of the Tribe line-up!). It's the rest of the national numbskulls that need to get up to speed ...not me.

And to all those critics who bemoan the fact that it takes a sorry sports team - and title - to get this town excited, let me say this on my own behalf: I would cheer just as loudly for any and all victories pulled off by the arts and culture community as well. It's all important pieces of the puzzle to make this town great again - but that's just my worthless opinion.

Anyway, before the hate mail rolls in because of my opening Id joke, let me say this: I love Cleveland State University and I am extremely grateful for all the opportunities it has provided me over the years. It is on the verge of being a GREAT center of education - and I was very fortunate to be able to seize all the opportunities it has provided me. But, just like Cleveland, it needs to work together as a cohesive unit to exlpore - and exploit - those opportunities to it's advantage. There's NO REASON why Cleveland State could not be the NYU of Ohio.

Okay, enough inept babbling here - I'm going to go sit on my patio with my beer and marvel at the storm that's scheduled to be rolling in today. Thunderstorms and rain are instrumental in my deep neanderthal thought process...

Also, thanks for all the kind words from the new readers. I am humbled - really - and shocked that anyone actually reads this garbage - but thankful nonetheless! I am even going to use the quote that my writing is like a "double shot of espresso" - or something to that effect - on my writing resume (if, of course, the fine person that wrote it does not object!). I could not wish for a more creative tagline! (Screw Larry King and Pat Collins - they love EVERYTHING!)

I'm sure with that will come some harsh criticism of my writing as well - but, hey, that's life take the good with the bad's all about balance in the universe. Roll with it, people!

Good night ...and good luck!

And to quote Dr. Jack from "Lost": "All roads lead to THIS...?"


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